When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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