My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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