is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
