she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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