guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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