No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
