i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
