I hate your face
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
