R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I deserve this hangover.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
