I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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