Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
