why didn't you poke me back
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
