Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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