You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
