Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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