Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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