I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Buhtt sex?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
