I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is Oprah even human
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
