You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
