I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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