careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
