Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
