just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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