i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
