I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
