DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
sex in a hospital.. check
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
