It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
