Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm passing your future prison.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
