I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
