That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
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I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize