I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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