Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
