you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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