i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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