i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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