ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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