what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Drake has all the answers
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
