Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
