It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
