fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
