Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
