the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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