she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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