New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
