In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
