She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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