i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.