honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
