He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
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I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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