I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
