Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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