I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
