Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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