? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
