I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
now i know why i became what i already was.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
