i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i dont even know how to be here
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
