I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Where is the hickey?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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