lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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