i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
