I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
