Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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