i jhust puked up my retainher.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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