Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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