you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
