I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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