apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
