i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
