Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Randomize
