I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
