would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
