just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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