I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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