seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
