I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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