It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
