Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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