May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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