I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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