hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
