It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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