she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize