I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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