....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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