Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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