so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
