I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
