check it out our google latitudes are spooning
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
